I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you got a brand new key

The night before last I was having trouble settling down and clearing my mind enough to sleep.

I kept thinking of things I should do, people I should see, etc. and it was getting pretty late.

I finally managed to get myself calmed down and start dozing off when I had an awesome idea. I thought that if I didn't get up and write it down right at that moment the thought would never return to me. So I got up, switched on the light, and wrote down one word.

Rollerskate.

Now, I know rollerskate is a pretty cool word, but I have NO idea what I was supposed to remember about a rollerskate and it is driving me INSANE!!!

I can't stop thinking about it cause I remember it was a good idea ( good enough to get out of my warm bed for)

What was I thinking about? Was I actually sleeping so there isn't any real meaning behind it?

I have to figure this thing out

I think I am allergic to Thursday

I have made the official decision to begin blogging once again. I really enjoy it and I have told myself to post at least one item a day.

Today I am at work so nothing too surprising except that Alisa ( my boss) brought us pan dulce, which I don't normally care for, but then I had  one that looked kind of like a croissant but wasn't as buttery and was a little sweeter and OH MY GAH, that thing was delicious.

I have to find out where to buy those, or maybe I shouldn't.

Why is it that my sweet tooth causes me so much internal angst? I go back and forth with myself about my rules with all things sugary. I will say, one sweet treat a week ( which isn't realistic) but then if I say one treat a day, that isn't really curbing anything. 

Any suggestions? I just know that sugar is not my BFF, even though that would be awesome.

Folding to unfold

I finally found a job. It is part time but it is still a job. I am gainfully employed at J. Crew at South Coast Plaza. If you have never been there, South Coast is a world-renowned shoppers destination.  Every designer worth knowing has a boutique here and I get the lovely privilege of assisting the same demanding group of customers.

So far the job is OK. It doesn't pay enough to live on but until I find something else I at least have somewhere to go and have started making money instead of just spending it.

While at work I fold clothes. So far that is all I have done. When you work in retail you also have to "board fold" the items so that everything is perfect and beautiful.  When I was folding today I was kind of spacing out and thinking about the things that we all do on a daily basis that will only be undone.  Take for example making the bed. When you make the bed, you know that within 12 hours or so you will be undoing the work that you just did.  The same goes with washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, filling your gas tank.

These are all things in life that we can begin to detest, or we can step back and see them as the things and moments that make up our days and more importantly our attitudes.  I could sit there and say that I hate folding and that it is a waste of my time and have a negative outlook over the whole thing, or I could suck it up, be thankful for the lesson in patience and realize that I can spend all the time while I fold, to think, to pray and to plan.

God wants a relationship with me that can be fluid, conversational and a fundamental element of my daily routine.  He also wants me to be able to say, " Hey, I have a few minutes, want to talk?"

So there is no reason to stress because as I fold, He can unfold something brand new in front of me.

This Central American life...

This is my last view of El Salvador.

 

These girls lived at the house where we were digging. A-dorable!

This family was the recipient of the first latrine we dug. They were very excited and overwhelmed and embarassed to have their picture taken.

My last couple of weeks in El Salvador were pretty incredible.

I went back to Abelines, this time with Daniel there, and we were able to dig a few latrines and I got the chance to re-connect with Reina and her family. I had purchased some food for her and gave it to her local church so that they could be the ones to give it.  I think that through that experience I could clearly see the vision of Enlace and the vision of what types of ministry I want to be involved in the future.  What good is it if I roll through town and give Reina a big bag of food and gifts? Sure I feel good about the interaction, and I get those warm fuzzies, but I am not empowering the local church to be effective in their own community.

Instead, it was a gift given by the church and now the relationship between Reina and her church is stronger and I am thousands of miles away.

So, the next step for me is here in California. I am on the job hunt and am also looking for a place to live. My parents are being very kind by letting me live in the living room until I find a place of my own.

It was hard to leave El Salvador but I do feel the sense of a chapter being closed for right now.  That is not to say that I will never return to Central America, or even El Salvador for that matter, but that I am exactly where God wants me right now.

I will continue to support Enlace as a ministry and I might even be able to convince some friends to go down and dig a latrine!

I will keep blogging since it is cheaper than therapy and it has also become a great way to keep in contact with so many loved ones.

I will keep you posted....

Culture shock comes in waves.

Well friends and family I have arrived home from El Salvador, onto the next chapter.

I still need to post some last pics and tell a few stories, but if you could be praying that God provides a job and a place to live, that's kind of what I am going through right now.

I know He has EVERYTHING under control and that I have none, and that works for me.

So far the things that are overwhelming are things like clean lettuce and spinach and the size of my kitchen. Every time I go in there I feel like royalty and think of the kitchens in the communities I spent so much time in. I wish I could invite Pastor Miguel and Noe over for dinner!

Keep in touch and I will continue to blog, cause it's cheaper than therapy!

Being weak and letting go

I hate having to ask for help. I don't know if it's because it shows a sign of weakness or dependency, but I don't like having to do it.

But there is something strange that happens when you are living 2,000 or more miles away from family and close friends and you are dropped into a culture where even getting to the store can be an all day event that you have to get over yourself, over your own ego, and admit that you need people.

On Friday morning I was in the community of Las Delicias working with a team that had come from West Virginia and at about 6 in the morning I woke up with severe stomach pains. I went to the bathroom and was in there for a long time. I tried to pull myself together and even got to the work site that morning, but it was pretty clear that after 20 or so minutes that there was something in my stomach that had to get out. I felt weak, hot and completely miserable.

Pastor Miguel, who is the local pastor of the Las Delicias community was at the work site with me and when he found out I was sick, he made a call to a doctor friend of his close by. The doctor wanted me to come in and see what was going on.

Pastor Miguel drove me to the clinic and made all the arrangements and in 5 minutes I was face to face with the doctor. He asked me some questions and took my temperature and told me I had a very bad bacterial infection that he believed was food borne. He gave me some medicine and told me I was to go home ( back to my apartment in San Salvador). Within hours, Margarita, a very good friend and co-worker, drove me back to my apartment.

I took the medicine I was given and fell asleep.

I am still feeling a little low as far as energy goes, but compared to how I felt on Friday morning, I am a new person!

I have found through several interactions like this that the more I am open and honest about how I feel and what I need, the more I am able to be in true community with people. If I am in pain and don't tell anyone about it, they don't have the chance to help me and share that with me. I would have never had so much time and interaction with Pastor Miguel, but because I was honest about what was going on in my life, he was able to reach out and help me.

I cry more living here in El Salvador. And it has very little to do with sadness, but more about letting go and allowing people in to my life. If someone asks me about my family, and we are in an intimate setting, I can open up and tell them how much I miss them and how hard it is at times to know that I am not there for important events or gatherings. It doesn't get easier. Jesus wants us to be open to Him, and to tell Him how we are truly feeling, but He has also created us in community so that when one of us needs encouragement, or tylenol, or some juice, or a hug, that we can be Jesus to one another.

Acts 2: 44-47

" And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and posessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people..."

Time to relax, Time to think..

This past week I had a break between teams and so Tina and I, along with Matt and the Huff family went on a trip up to see some Mayan ruins in the city of Copan, Honduras.  We stayed at a great little hostel and spent time exploring the ancient city and enjoying one another's company. It was a great way to spend some free time and gave us all a chance to relax and take advantage of living and working in such a cool corner of the world. When was the last time you spent the weekend wandering through ruins?

After Copan, Tina and I left the Huffs and Matt and journeyed on to Antigua Guatemala.  Antigua is a colonial city with cobblestone streets and cafés on every corner.

It is also surrounded on all sides by volcanos. Our first night there it was dark and rainy and we were forced to stay at the grossest hostel in the universe that had green mold growing on the walls. FYI-never stay at the Kafka hostel if you travel to Antigua.  Because it was so nasty, Tina ( the best travel buddy) woke up at the crack of dawn to go and find us somewhere else to stay. She came back at 8:30 with a brand new place for us to stay. It was clean, had a private bathroom and had great views of the volcano. Once we switched our lodging I was convinced that we had to stay there for at least a few days.  We got up in the mornings and just wandered around the city- shopping, relaxing and best of all, eating really good dessert!

It was also such a perfect time for me to reflect on the time I have spent here in Central America and start to think about my future here. Where do I feel like I could be most helpful? Where can I thrive? I love the sights,sounds and people of Central America so much. I want to live side by side with them, whatever that looks like.

 Tomorrow I go back to Las Delicias to work with the next team that will be here and from now until the time I leave I will not have a day off. I am with teams and doing what I love for 18 days straight! I am excited to get to connect with the teams and and this time around know what I am doing!

Please pray that God would continue to provide financially for the rest of my time here, and that He would be able to use me in any way He sees fit.