Lo Ash

Here comes this bride...

2011-04-08T14:24:00.000-07:00

I knew I wanted to marry you even then.

Weddings are stressful.

Don't tell Vera Wang or Martha Stewart that because both of those ladies work very hard to sell you a lot of things to convince you otherwise and they seem pretty cool and I don't want them to go out of business. But yes, weddings are stressful.
They are stressful for a lot of reasons, some of which are magnified if you travel for work and find yourself completely disconnected from your normal life for a week or more at a time and stuck in a tiny airport in North Carolina that has no restaurants and you are trying to buy bulk tissue paper from amazon.com.

The other thing that makes this wedding hard for me is I have a bad relationship with money ( which a wedding requires) and I have an even harder time asking for help.
My life is like this; I need help to do something and instead of asking for it I get stressed, over-worked and miserable but then when people say, "Let me know if you need any help!" I'm like, "Oh no, thanks though." WHHAAATTT!???

When Daniel asked me to marry him, he made me the happiest girl in the world and I said yes and grabbed the ring and put it on my finger before he had time to do it for me. (Apparently that is something the guy "should" do)
But then I just wanted to elope, cause the only thing I cared about was the being married part. The waking up every morning beside the same person and making breakfast and hanging out and watching SNL clips on HULU in your sweatpants and being together forever and ever.

Life is not like that though. Because when you marry someone, you are marrying them, their family, their friends, their traditions. The whole shebang.
And for us, the whole shebang includes 2 wedding ceremonies ( yes, I know 2) and a whole lot of food and dancing and decorations and invitations and tablecloth rentals and all that other stupid stuff that the wedding industry pushes at you.

So instead of buying into all that baloney, I'm officially over the stress, and I am ready to see my family that is flying all the way from Toronto to be with us, and every other family member and friend that will make it out to see us say I do. We will say yes, I promise to be with you forever and kiss you when your breath stinks and hold your hand when you need to cry.

Does that sound like a deal? OK great that's what I thought

Twenty Eleven

2011-01-02T23:04:00.001-08:00

Hooray!! It's 2011.
You know what that means?? It means I am getting married y'all!

Planning a wedding on a low budget can be, in a word, stressful, but with the big day six months away it is really starting to hit me and there is still a lot to do.

I am looking forward to the BEING MARRIED part the most.

I mean, sure, I want to wear my dress and say our vows and eat and dance and see everyone, but no matter what decorations or flowers or food we have, buy or serve on that day...by the end of it I will be Mrs. Or ( yes I am changing my name) and then we get to be married and live the rest of our lives together!

With that said, here are some amazing engagement pictures we took a while ago. Daniel's best friend Andrew took them and every time I see them I still can't believe how lucky I am and what a talented group of friends we have!

Happy New Year all of you lovely folks who read my blog.

I wish you nothing but the best in this brand spankin' new year.

Holiday 2010 Recap

2010-12-27T12:14:00.001-08:00

Hello lovelies!

How was your Christmas?? Mine was awesome.

I thought I would post a few pics from my NEW CAMERA!! Yep, I know you are jealous. But my sweetie got it for me and I have been on a picture taking rampage ever since. You can only take pics with your iPhone for so long :(

Anywho...the best part of the season for me is giving gifts and seeing the reaction on the faces of those I love.

Here are some of those reactions from young to younger!

YOUNG

My sweet Daddy opening his gift from Daniel and I, The West Wing on DVD. The entire series!

He loves Aaron Sorkin and politics and has been asking for this gift for ,oh, maybe five years.

His face says it all.

YOUNGER

Sam wants everything Star Wars and so we gifted accordingly. He got a wall clock with Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker on it and a huge book containing all the information about Star Wars that anyone could ever want to know. Needless to say, he was pleased with this gift!

Here is my super cute Momma showing us her new sweater Uggs. Comfy cozy!

I got Daniel new TOMS, cologne and aftershave and the TRON soundtrack. I think his smile says it all.

My soon to be nieces Lauren with her Toy Story Memory game and Asia with her V-Reader. Lauren also got a bike and they got pillow pets from yours truly. I tried to post a video of their brother but I need to figure out this formatting first! Their sweet Mommy was sick so I did the nice sister-in-law to be thing and didn't take photos. Next time Hosanna!

Me, my noodle Rachel and Li!

How cute is my Mom!

Thanks again to everyone who gave me a gift, hug, kiss, plate of food or sweet treat!

Now, let's finish this year up cause I am itching to start 2011!

A change is gonna come...

2010-12-23T10:23:00.000-08:00

I miss blogging. And even though I am not Lo Ash in El Salvador anymore, I still like that this represents that time in my life.

This next year is going to be big. A lot of change, a lot of transition and I am excited but also anxious.

Part of that change will be here on the blog and part of that will happen in my personal life.

Stay tuned...Christmas is in 2 days and then, I'll be back to writing and sharing.

Until then, enjoy the day of our Savior's birth!

Testing, testing

2010-01-10T16:54:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you are being tested?
A situation arises and you have this overwhelming feeling that someone somewhere is sitting behind a curtain filming your response. I think I've seen too much candid camera or something because that is the first thing I think of.
And all I know is that I am not going to be the lady who freaks out or starts yelling or crying or anything like that. I choose to be joyful and I choose to remind myself of the truth. Cause the reason we get trapped in life and in those candid camera shows is that for a split second we start to believe a lie.
The truth hurts sometimes, but it doesn't leave a mark.

First things first.

2009-11-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

Some things, like running and reading your bible, require you to prioritize them in order to fit them in to your day. Both things keep you healthy and start your day right but if you skip both and get in the habit of skipping both, fitting them in again is a challenge.
I was reminded again today how life is really about each persons journey. I saw a man jogging on the trail in front of me that was obese. Some people have a few extra pounds on them, but this man was obese. And instead of slipping into the usual, judgmental self, I started thinking about his journey. How did he get here? What is his plan? Where is he going?
I've never met him and I probably never will but in that moment I was proud of him. I was proud that he was working towards something other than where he was yesterday. And that is what it is about, really. It's about taking every day and making that day count. Sometimes I feel like I survived a week, but I want to get away from that. I want to thrive.
I can stress about money and not having money til I'm blue in the face but I am so rich. And really, who cares about all the trappings that come with money? The older I get the more I realized that I really don't care about that stuff. And learning to live with less is one of life's greatest lessons.

A piece of peace

2009-08-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

True peace only comes from God, and maybe that is what this is all about, giving in to the fact that He has control and I don't and that is perfect.
But I have never really felt this, I guess, settled?
I am a chronic stress case. Nothing is ever enough, or good, or how I think it should be. I am always thinking ahead and worrying about what will happen 6 months from now.
And yet, for the first time in probably my whole life I feel content. I see my life and where it is now and it is good. Not because everything is figured out and I have all the money that I need or anything like that, but because it is just a simple life. I don't have the tragedy that so many deal with, and I think that is starting to sink in and I can just BE. I can be someone who is loved by God and that makes my life enough.
Well, that and red velvet cupcakes from Brite Spot!

25 years and counting.

2009-07-19T23:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight we celebrated my Aunt and Uncle and their 25 year marriage. It's pretty awesome to see such a cool couple that still really love each other.
It makes me wonder why other people just can't make it. I think a lot of people think that love happens to you, instead of something that requires work. Yet again, I've never been married so I can't really say. But it was cool to see some old friends and family and you know, when you are family, you just gotta show up to things like that.
It's late Sunday night and all I want to do is fall asleep but I am finishing making spaghetti for lunches this week and also waiting for a load of laundry to dry.
I was always in such a rush to grow up as a kid and sometimes I will be doing something really responsible and grown-up like and think to myself, " Why was I rushing into this?" hehehe.
I miss blogging and I wish I had a computer at work. But as I was told last week by a supervisor, "You aren't high up enough on the food chain"
Yep, she really said that to me, and I KNOW she meant it. Ha, aren't people funny?

Unemployed but not undone

2009-05-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

Trying to get a job stinks. The whole process is degrading and makes you feel desperate.

Like today, for example, where I walk into a situation thinking I am actually going to have an interview and I don't get to talk to anyone at all. I am handed an application ( they already have a copy of my resume with all the same information) and told that if they are interested they will contact me within a week or so. And if I was really honest with myself, I don't want that job. If they offered me the job I would take it because they have great benefits and I need something to pay the bills. But how do I sell myself if I haven't sold myself on the job.

I have been through a few interviews recently where I realized I am too interesting for the job. It's not only over-qualified, it's that my rich life experiences can't really fit into a cubicle.

I can't sell myself well into a cubicle. So what do I do? Where do I go from here?

I know that God has a plan for my life and that I don't see the details until He is ready for me to see them, but that sucks too.

I'm not giving up on Him, so I guess I shouldn't give up on myself either.

Run it out

2009-05-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

I started running every day back at the beginning of April and have for the most part kept it up.

The thing with running that I have realized is that when I don't run I get depressed and I let negative feelings and thoughts creep in. It's not so much about the weight loss or anything but has been an amazing stress reliever.

I would love to be a marathon runner some day but for now, I do 2 1/2 miles and feel the stress and sweat leave my body. Try it, it works!

i'm BAAAACK!

2009-05-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to have my laptop back!!!

My Dad had his stolen and then I let him borrow mine for a while.

I feel like I am discovering the internet all over again. I love blogs. This one, and many others.

They feel like magazines to me, only you don't have to cut down any trees to write a blog!

There will be many more posts now that I am back in the land of the internet.

Ciao!

Goodbye to the 2.0 me.

2009-04-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

I cancelled my MySpace account today and I feel more like a grown up for doing it.

I do agree that Facebook leaves much to be desired as far as design and layout, but it is a tad more mature and now I don't get creepy messages from men I have never seen in my entire life. Maybe it's cause I am going to be 26 in two weeks or maybe I was inspired by Drew Barrymore's character in "He's Just Not That Into You," but either way, that strange land known as the myspace is no longer a land I will journey to.

You're fired!

2009-03-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

So I got laid off on Friday from my full time job. I did not see it coming and it sucks.

I let myself be bummed about it on Friday but it was kind of hard cause my Mom took me to get a latte and bought me some vintage shoes at the thrift store. Then later that night we had hot dogs for dinner and Sam, Rachel, Daniel and Mom and Dad and I all went to the Block to see Race toWitch Mountain, which was pretty good for a kids movie.

I am helping my Dad with some production stuff and working a few hours a week at Anthropologie, but other than that I have to find SOMETHING!

I sat by the pool today, so that was nice. But I would like another full time job so I can continue living my life and trying to get out of the whole of student loan debt that I have.

Hit me up if you know of anyone who is hiring!

This picture is just inspiring for me and hopefully for you.

no, goodbye

2009-03-13T13:35:00.001-07:00

I make a bazillion calls every day and have noticed a fairly strong pet peeve of mine.

When you are finished a phone call, don't say buh-bye. Just say bye, or goodbye.

That's it. Buh-bye sounds so bourgeois .

That's it for this Friday. Back with a vengeance on Monday!

Broken Down

2009-03-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

My laptop is being repaired at the Apple Store in Irvine and I have a headache 'cause I had a wisdom tooth pulled.

But I will be back with a vengeance cause I am making french toast tonight for several of my peeps and photos will have to be taken.

I went to Mexico and I didn't take any pictures because I was drugged out and it felt like everyone on the streets were on edge. Don't go to Mexico right now unless you have a really good reason to go.

I had an awesome reason. A wisdom tooth pulled for 105 bucks.

Later skater

Role Models

2009-03-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

I just realized that there has been very little mention on here about two of my favorite people in the world. These two kiddos. My sister, Rachel Anita is 13 and my brother Sam is 11.

So, basically I think they are some of the funniest people I have ever met, and they haven't even gotten started! Some funny people don't get funny until after they are teenagers.

And they are also really cool and interesting and smart and basically I want to be like them when I grow up.

Rachel loves animals, she is into sports and is good at them and she can sing and play the piano at the same time. Not to mention that she has a gazillion friends and everyone just wants to hang out with her cause she is goofy and funny and sweet.

When she was little she would walk around the house in a swimsuit, high heels and a boa but she would still climb trees or get dirty or whatever her boy cousins were doing.

Awesome.

And she is not in a hurry to grow up which is the coolest part to me cause I was in a race to be 18? I don't know why I rushed myself so much.

But when she is older, she wants to work with animals. So basically she will be like this lady.

Ya, I know, cool.

Then we have my brother who is a genius as well. He was writing and illustrating his own comic books at age 5? 6? They were called the Adventures of Hungry Boy and Dino Girl.

He wants to be this guy.

And when he is a famous director he will live in a big house in the Hollywood hills with his wife and kids and Rachel and I will be allowed to live there if we want.

He knows he is going straight to the top and there are no ifs ands or buts about it.

He also knows more baseball trivia than anyone I have ever met.

So basically I have the coolest siblings and I am a lucky gal to get to hang out with them.

If you say it, don't spray it

2009-03-03T14:39:00.000-08:00

I have this new resolution that came at me from nowhere. I heard myself the other day say something about being poor. And while I don't own a stack of cash, ( see above) I am NOT poor.

I am so rich. I have a goofy, fun family that always finds a way to have a ball wherever we are. I have seriously awesome roommates that make me laugh and inspire me.

I have a JOB. I will have a second one starting next week.

I have a car that works and actually has air conditioning and a CD player!

I have clothes that fit me and I feel good in.

I have a wide array of friends that live all over the place but are funny and interesting and cool and sweet to me.

I have friends like Tina and Cristina that are amazing gals who love God and are totally real and always encourage me.

And last but not least, this guy is mine.

And he makes me laugh and treats me like a QUEEN!

So, why would those words ever come out of my mouth???

Yeah cause that is a lie.

In the life department I'm a cash money millionaire.

Good things come to those who wait, and at times obsess

2009-03-03T14:34:00.000-08:00

So after much thought I think I know what the rollerskate deal was all about.

I was thinking of making a short film in which the rollerskate is used as a tool, but not in the traditional sense. I just had a flash of the image and I thought it was funny.

It probably wouldn't make sense until you see the film ( which I HAVE to make now) and even then, if you don't like it or don't think it is funny, then I kind of don't care cause I still think it is hilarious and I have to see it come to life.

I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates, you got a brand new key

2009-02-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

The night before last I was having trouble settling down and clearing my mind enough to sleep.

I kept thinking of things I should do, people I should see, etc. and it was getting pretty late.

I finally managed to get myself calmed down and start dozing off when I had an awesome idea. I thought that if I didn't get up and write it down right at that moment the thought would never return to me. So I got up, switched on the light, and wrote down one word.

Rollerskate.

Now, I know rollerskate is a pretty cool word, but I have NO idea what I was supposed to remember about a rollerskate and it is driving me INSANE!!!

I can't stop thinking about it cause I remember it was a good idea ( good enough to get out of my warm bed for)

What was I thinking about? Was I actually sleeping so there isn't any real meaning behind it?

I have to figure this thing out

I think I am allergic to Thursday

2009-02-26T12:24:00.000-08:00

I have made the official decision to begin blogging once again. I really enjoy it and I have told myself to post at least one item a day.

Today I am at work so nothing too surprising except that Alisa ( my boss) brought us pan dulce, which I don't normally care for, but then I had one that looked kind of like a croissant but wasn't as buttery and was a little sweeter and OH MY GAH, that thing was delicious.

I have to find out where to buy those, or maybe I shouldn't.

Why is it that my sweet tooth causes me so much internal angst? I go back and forth with myself about my rules with all things sugary. I will say, one sweet treat a week ( which isn't realistic) but then if I say one treat a day, that isn't really curbing anything.

Any suggestions? I just know that sugar is not my BFF, even though that would be awesome.

Folding to unfold

2008-10-22T02:55:00.000-07:00

I finally found a job. It is part time but it is still a job. I am gainfully employed at J. Crew at South Coast Plaza. If you have never been there, South Coast is a world-renowned shoppers destination. Every designer worth knowing has a boutique here and I get the lovely privilege of assisting the same demanding group of customers.

So far the job is OK. It doesn't pay enough to live on but until I find something else I at least have somewhere to go and have started making money instead of just spending it.

While at work I fold clothes. So far that is all I have done. When you work in retail you also have to "board fold" the items so that everything is perfect and beautiful. When I was folding today I was kind of spacing out and thinking about the things that we all do on a daily basis that will only be undone. Take for example making the bed. When you make the bed, you know that within 12 hours or so you will be undoing the work that you just did. The same goes with washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, filling your gas tank.

These are all things in life that we can begin to detest, or we can step back and see them as the things and moments that make up our days and more importantly our attitudes. I could sit there and say that I hate folding and that it is a waste of my time and have a negative outlook over the whole thing, or I could suck it up, be thankful for the lesson in patience and realize that I can spend all the time while I fold, to think, to pray and to plan.

God wants a relationship with me that can be fluid, conversational and a fundamental element of my daily routine. He also wants me to be able to say, " Hey, I have a few minutes, want to talk?"

So there is no reason to stress because as I fold, He can unfold something brand new in front of me.

This Central American life...

2008-09-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

This is my last view of El Salvador.

These girls lived at the house where we were digging. A-dorable!

This family was the recipient of the first latrine we dug. They were very excited and overwhelmed and embarassed to have their picture taken.

My last couple of weeks in El Salvador were pretty incredible.

I went back to Abelines, this time with Daniel there, and we were able to dig a few latrines and I got the chance to re-connect with Reina and her family. I had purchased some food for her and gave it to her local church so that they could be the ones to give it. I think that through that experience I could clearly see the vision of Enlace and the vision of what types of ministry I want to be involved in the future. What good is it if I roll through town and give Reina a big bag of food and gifts? Sure I feel good about the interaction, and I get those warm fuzzies, but I am not empowering the local church to be effective in their own community.

Instead, it was a gift given by the church and now the relationship between Reina and her church is stronger and I am thousands of miles away.

So, the next step for me is here in California. I am on the job hunt and am also looking for a place to live. My parents are being very kind by letting me live in the living room until I find a place of my own.

It was hard to leave El Salvador but I do feel the sense of a chapter being closed for right now. That is not to say that I will never return to Central America, or even El Salvador for that matter, but that I am exactly where God wants me right now.

I will continue to support Enlace as a ministry and I might even be able to convince some friends to go down and dig a latrine!

I will keep blogging since it is cheaper than therapy and it has also become a great way to keep in contact with so many loved ones.

I will keep you posted....

Culture shock comes in waves.

2008-09-15T15:33:00.000-07:00

Well friends and family I have arrived home from El Salvador, onto the next chapter.

I still need to post some last pics and tell a few stories, but if you could be praying that God provides a job and a place to live, that's kind of what I am going through right now.

I know He has EVERYTHING under control and that I have none, and that works for me.

So far the things that are overwhelming are things like clean lettuce and spinach and the size of my kitchen. Every time I go in there I feel like royalty and think of the kitchens in the communities I spent so much time in. I wish I could invite Pastor Miguel and Noe over for dinner!

Keep in touch and I will continue to blog, cause it's cheaper than therapy!

Being weak and letting go

2008-08-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

I hate having to ask for help. I don't know if it's because it shows a sign of weakness or dependency, but I don't like having to do it.

But there is something strange that happens when you are living 2,000 or more miles away from family and close friends and you are dropped into a culture where even getting to the store can be an all day event that you have to get over yourself, over your own ego, and admit that you need people.

On Friday morning I was in the community of Las Delicias working with a team that had come from West Virginia and at about 6 in the morning I woke up with severe stomach pains. I went to the bathroom and was in there for a long time. I tried to pull myself together and even got to the work site that morning, but it was pretty clear that after 20 or so minutes that there was something in my stomach that had to get out. I felt weak, hot and completely miserable.

Pastor Miguel, who is the local pastor of the Las Delicias community was at the work site with me and when he found out I was sick, he made a call to a doctor friend of his close by. The doctor wanted me to come in and see what was going on.

Pastor Miguel drove me to the clinic and made all the arrangements and in 5 minutes I was face to face with the doctor. He asked me some questions and took my temperature and told me I had a very bad bacterial infection that he believed was food borne. He gave me some medicine and told me I was to go home ( back to my apartment in San Salvador). Within hours, Margarita, a very good friend and co-worker, drove me back to my apartment.

I took the medicine I was given and fell asleep.

I am still feeling a little low as far as energy goes, but compared to how I felt on Friday morning, I am a new person!

I have found through several interactions like this that the more I am open and honest about how I feel and what I need, the more I am able to be in true community with people. If I am in pain and don't tell anyone about it, they don't have the chance to help me and share that with me. I would have never had so much time and interaction with Pastor Miguel, but because I was honest about what was going on in my life, he was able to reach out and help me.

I cry more living here in El Salvador. And it has very little to do with sadness, but more about letting go and allowing people in to my life. If someone asks me about my family, and we are in an intimate setting, I can open up and tell them how much I miss them and how hard it is at times to know that I am not there for important events or gatherings. It doesn't get easier. Jesus wants us to be open to Him, and to tell Him how we are truly feeling, but He has also created us in community so that when one of us needs encouragement, or tylenol, or some juice, or a hug, that we can be Jesus to one another.

Acts 2: 44-47

" And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and posessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people..."

Time to relax, Time to think..

2008-08-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

This past week I had a break between teams and so Tina and I, along with Matt and the Huff family went on a trip up to see some Mayan ruins in the city of Copan, Honduras. We stayed at a great little hostel and spent time exploring the ancient city and enjoying one another's company. It was a great way to spend some free time and gave us all a chance to relax and take advantage of living and working in such a cool corner of the world. When was the last time you spent the weekend wandering through ruins?

After Copan, Tina and I left the Huffs and Matt and journeyed on to Antigua Guatemala. Antigua is a colonial city with cobblestone streets and cafés on every corner.

It is also surrounded on all sides by volcanos. Our first night there it was dark and rainy and we were forced to stay at the grossest hostel in the universe that had green mold growing on the walls. FYI-never stay at the Kafka hostel if you travel to Antigua. Because it was so nasty, Tina ( the best travel buddy) woke up at the crack of dawn to go and find us somewhere else to stay. She came back at 8:30 with a brand new place for us to stay. It was clean, had a private bathroom and had great views of the volcano. Once we switched our lodging I was convinced that we had to stay there for at least a few days. We got up in the mornings and just wandered around the city- shopping, relaxing and best of all, eating really good dessert!

It was also such a perfect time for me to reflect on the time I have spent here in Central America and start to think about my future here. Where do I feel like I could be most helpful? Where can I thrive? I love the sights,sounds and people of Central America so much. I want to live side by side with them, whatever that looks like.

Tomorrow I go back to Las Delicias to work with the next team that will be here and from now until the time I leave I will not have a day off. I am with teams and doing what I love for 18 days straight! I am excited to get to connect with the teams and and this time around know what I am doing!

Please pray that God would continue to provide financially for the rest of my time here, and that He would be able to use me in any way He sees fit.

Help me help you

2008-07-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am trying to get some email addresses of people that read my blog and people that I don't have addresses for.

If you are interested, please email me at boorut@gmail.com with the email you use most often and I would really appreciate it!

No electricity, No problem

2008-07-26T13:59:00.000-07:00

The church in Abelines

This is me digging a hole. The hole is for a latrine that we were putting in to a ladies house in the community of Pajigua which is right next to the hamlet of Abelines where I was staying this week. It is very rural. No electricity, no running water/ indoor plumbing, no phones, no cell phone service, no wireless internet, no malls.

Yes, people do live like this still!

I was so excited to come up here and finally get to see this community because it has had a very long relationship with Enlace and so many initiatives and projects are alive and well here.

I was there helping to lead a group that came from Colorado Springs. They were a youth group team and were such hard workers and didn't really complain about the rough conditions we were living in. Thanks again to the youth from Church at Briargate! Your willingness to serve really touched the lives of the people of Abelines and Pajigua.

This is Reina. She lives in Pajigua with her 9 children. She is the mother of 16 children, two of whom have died and 5 of whom are older and no longer live with her. She is married, but she told me that her husband comes through as he pleases and she can go a whole year without seeing him and has never been able to depend on him. Reina is living in one of the most extreme cases of poverty in her community. She struggles to provide for her children at all.

She was the recipient of the third latrine that we dug and when I got to the work site, something was telling me I should go and introduce myself to the lady of the house.

As soon as we met, she invited me inside her home. This is where she lives. It is four posts, a roof and plastic draped on the sides.

When Reina and I began to talk I noticed a little girl lying in the hammock of the main room. Her name was Heidi.Her hair was matted to her head and was wearing a filthy dress that smelled of vomit. She had dirt and snot caked onto her face and was not asleep, but was staring into the distance.

I asked Reina what was wrong with her and she told me that 40 days ago her 15 year old daughter slipped into a diabetic coma and died due to a lack of medical attention. After she died, Heidi slipped into a depression in which she refused to eat, drink, play or participate in life. She had diarrhea and would at times vomit or have dry heaves.

I didn't have much more time that day but I promised to return the next day and spend the day with her and her children.

I couldn't sleep that night and just kept thinking that some way, somehow I had to do something. I am not a doctor, or psychologist, but this little girl needed help that her mother wasn't able to give her.

The next day when we arrived at Reina's house I walked in the front door and after chatting with Reina for a while I scooped Heidi up into my arms. For a 4 year old, she fit comfortably in my arms due to malnourishment.

I sat her in my lap and pretty much forced her to drink some Gatorade. I figured, she will like it, it tastes good and then I can get some electrolytes in her system. At first she wanted nothing to do with the stuff but she could tell I was not taking No for an answer and so after about an hour, Heidi drank 8 ounces of gatorade.

I then realized she had a very high fever.

I asked Reina if I could help in any way and maybe give Heidi a bath.

There was a water spigot outside that had clean, cold water.

I had to hold Heidi in my arms while I bathed her in cold water and a half a bar of soap I had in my bag. I got drenched and it wasn't an easy job but I just kept thinking, "Ashley, do what you know to do. That is all you can be responsible for."

After cooling her down and getting her clean I wrapped Heidi in a clean towel and held her in my arms in the sunlight and she looked up at me with those huge brown eyes and smiled. Then she breathed heavily and fell fast asleep. She slept for a good 45 minutes and when she woke up I combed her ratted hair, put it in pigtails and put her in some clean clothes. She sat in my lap all day long.

Eventually when her brothers came home from school I got her to eat half of a tortilla and a whole tomato!

I sat and talked with Reina the rest of the day about her situation and the future of her family and her children.

I tried to keep it upbeat and light and positive, but I was weeping inside. When I went to leave that day I promised I would be back within the month, which I will be and then Heidi began to cry and told her Mom that she wanted to come with me and live with me.

I can't say I didn't feel the exact same way, but I smiled and waved and silently prayed for Reina and her kids, that God would continue to send people their way that could give them just what they needed, even if that was just a bath.

This is me and Heidi.

This week has taught me so much and confirmed to me much of my sense of belonging in Central America. This is where I am supposed to be and this is what I am to be doing. I don't have all the answers and I can't save the whole world, but I can be Jesus to the people that I come into contact with and that is all He is asking of me anyway. That way I can be used and not get caught up in myself or my own abilities. I can pray with and provide comfort to those that need it the most!

San Jose El Naranjo

2008-07-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

This week I was in the area known as San Jose El Naranjo with a team from Seacoast Grace Church in Long Beach. They were working in the community and were building a new house for Pastor Giovanni and his family and were also building a retaining wall behind the local elementary school. We also held a medical clinic in the school for all of the students and were able to give them supplies and anti-parasite medication.

Most days my work was translation, asking the kids questions about their health and diet.

Sometimes the answers were hard to hear, let alone translate.

One little boy who was in the first grade, w

hen I asked him if they drank cows milk in his house responded, " A veces no aguanto el hambre que tengo."

I then had to turn to the nurse and say, " Sometimes I can't stand my own hunger."

That is probably one of the worst things you could hear a child say. To survive through the rest of the day and the countless other children I had to speak with, I just said a quiet prayer and smiled at the next kid that came to sit down at our station.

If there are ever times when I feel discouraged about my time here or lonely or like I am not really contributing, those moments are what slap me in the face and tell me, " See! I am God! I work through you when you are obedient. Don't worry about your own idea of success or progress. This is why I stinkin' brought you here."

I made sure that boy got something to eat that day and that he received everything we had to give him.

But he is a reminder that all around us, there are children and adults that simply don't have food.

It is embarassing to think of how MUCH food I have at my immediate disposal and how wasteful I am with that.

I was really touched by how great of a team we had down

and what hard workers they were. I didn't hear any complaints during the week and most of them were smiling and laughing while the work was being done.

Yesterday morning, as we were getting ready to head out, we stopped by a little farm on the outskirts of town to visit a lady who we were told was very sick. So we went to make a house call.

I met Catalina and the first thing I said to her was, " How are we doing in here?" to which she responded, " Oh, you know, I'm just dying. But it's all up to God anyways."

The nurses and doctor examined her and prescribed her some medicine but I grabbed a plastic chair and just sat by her bed and talked with her. At one point she asked me to sing something, so I sang How Great Thou Art in Spanish. She hummed along and then afterwards we chatted about family and getting older and all that kind of stuff. She wanted to have something to remind her of me so I found a tube of chapstick. She was very pleased with the gift.

The doctor had told her that she had a bad case of colitis and told her she needed to eat more fiber. I knew that I had some oatmeal cookies in my bag so I offered her one. She ate some of it but told me after he had left the room that she didnt like the way they tasted!

I guess overall this week has taught me a little bit more about how just BEING with someone, just sharing life with them is so powerful and truly has the power to encourage their spirit.

I am trying to find out where Jesus is every day and be brave enough to just sit at his feet, to listen and to love.

I am addicted to garage sales

2008-07-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

Pretty much wherever I am in the universe I will find garage sales.

Today was a day off for me and I went with Tina to her friends house to help her put on a garage sale

I bought:

a pink and grey t-shirt
the coolest sunglasses ever
books( too many to list)
sea creature stencils
a red and navy blue striped belt
french soaps

So it was a perfect day off. Cheap finds, a great meal and time to relax. The next team comes this weekend so I have to get my rest while I can.

bats, pesticide and the body of christ

2008-07-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up early to head over to the Enlace offices on the other side of town. Shane told me he would come with me and show me the ropes of how to get across town using the buses. At 25 cents a ride, it really is the best deal in town. It is also the kind of thing that at first seems completely overwhelming but once you figure it out, it is brainless. So, thanks to Shane, I can get around San Salvador all by myself.

I had been invited to go with the staff today to a community and a church that Enlace has just started working with. I wasn't really clear what the meeting was going to be about or why I needed to go but I am so glad I decided to just go.

It turns out it was a meeting at the church with some of the local ladies about starting a project to start large vegetable gardens in their homes. It was mostly educational and a time for the committee to decide what vegetables they wanted to cultivate, how they were going to get the seedlings and what kind of chemicals they were going to use. Paco talked to them a bit about how many of the pesticides that they sell here are misused and handled improperly.

They use highly toxic pesticides for things that do not need it.

You could tell they were just soaking up the information and the way the information was shared was so loving and relatable that the whole presentation felt more like a conversation.

So, yeah, pretty much stuff like that is what makes Enlace so great and so strong. Figure out what the local church is interested in doing for themselves and help facilitate that. Don't drop a bag of money on them, a lot of times that makes it worse.

After we got home from the community I came home ( on bus now!) and took a nap on the couch.

I was watching the news and Tina was talking to me and a bat flew over my shoulder and hit her and then flew around the living room.

I HATE BATS.

Lord, if you want me to stay in this country, bats can not be a part of my daily life. I can't handle that. Big roaches are the norm, but bats CREEP me out.

I am homesick for everyone, but every day is something new and a new adventure. And watching the body of christ work just as they should be just makes it worth it all.

Except the bats.

Mosquito Bites and Funky Fruit

2008-07-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

I am settled in to my apartment here in the suburb of San Salvador known as Santa Tecla. I live with a great gal named Tina who has been here for about 8 months working for Enlace and doing a lot of the media needed for the organization. We get along very well and it is so nice to have somebody to come home to. It makes the whole experience a lot less lonely.This week I was working with the team that came down from Vanguard. It was led by John Mark and Cristina Robeck who have been good friends of mine for quite some time. The team they brought was working in the community known as Las Delicias which is about 45 minutes away from my house. They built mitigation walls on a hillside so that when the rains come (which they do EVERY day) the hill does not come sliding into the people's house below.

The walls were made out of used tires and packed dirt with a cement seal at the top.

It was pretty backbreaking work but the team were such good sports and didn't complain at all.

I was just trying to get a feel for what exactly I was supposed to be doing. I was there to translate and help in general. On Tuesday I woke up with a high fever and I took some advil hoping it would break my high temperature. It broke about 10 am and I just laid in bed and sweat the rest of the day.

By Thursday I was back in the swing of things and was feeling like I knew what I was supposed to be doing.

Thursday was the hardest day for me though because I just felt an overwhelming sense of how difficult life is for so many of the people that we work with. Living and working in a country

like El Salvador challenges you to not become hardened by the poverty that is all around you but also to not be totally reactive. That tension is always there and on some days, because I can be so sensitive, it really gets to me and I have to hold on to the Lord during those times and turn that sadness and overwhelming sense of uselessness into a time where I draw nearer to Him and to His voice and His plan for me.

This next week there is a break in teams and Tina and I are go

ing up to the Northern region of San Salvador to visit a friend of hers. We might also head over to Honduras for a night or so.

It will be a nice way to recharge before the next team comes a week from Monday.

Tonight Shane came over and we had tacos and sat and talked for a while. The best part about being here so far has been the built in community that exists here because of Enlace. I have people all around me that are ready to talk and share and just hang out. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity to serve so far and see what God has for me during this time.

Wheels Up.

2008-06-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

Well everyone, the day has finally arrived!

I am leaving for El Salvador in just a few hours and will arrive there early tomorrow morning. I am a little bit nervous but more than anything I am excited to see what God has in store for me and what I will be able to contribute to this amazing ministry.

Thank you so much for your support both financially and spiritually. I am leaving feeling supported, loved and blessed. I will try to update this blog with pictures and posts daily. Keep in touch!